My journey to loving myself.

I grew up immensely introverted. I did not relate to other girls. I looked different, and that made me tremendously quiet, shy, and timid. I am still a work in progress. Here is my story on how I learned to love myself.

My problem growing up was that I always felt as if being myself was never good enough. Being creative, crafty, and witty as not sufficient. On top of that, it was also my image that made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was always told I was ugly." Ewww why yo eyes so big?" Why are you so skinny your mom don't feed you?" Is that name brand?" I learned to fight back with my words, but the taunts haunted me for years. No one taught me anything about loving myself and being confident. I had to take a little time to myself and really soul search on what I liked, matter of fact loved about myself. I would stare in the mirror and point out every imperfection. I would cry and whip my own back as if I was nothing significant in this world. I would then come up with ways to tweak or maybe improve my imperfections. I started to dress differently, wear make up more, style my hair uniquely. I tried my best to look like a different person. That still didn't help.

One day I got to my breaking point. I felt as if this world was better without me. I had no purpose, and I didn't feel loved. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was working as a Horticulturist, so during the winter, I would get the month of January off. After a few days in my house, my dreams and evil thoughts started to eat away at me. That was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced in my life. Have you ever felt worthless? Hopeless? I just got tired, and I started praying. I was watching a special on tv about Fantasia and how she felt about herself growing up. To me, Fantasia is gorgeous, so I couldn't wrap my head around why she would feel that way. For some reason, that changed something in me. I guess I came to the conclusion that to see your own beauty, you have to look within. From that moment on, I started day by day smiling more. I focused more on pleasing myself and not listening to others. I began to follow the beat of my own drum, and I was enjoying the music.

My advice to someone who feels similar is to find acceptance within yourself. Practice loving yourself more and more each day. Not caring what anyone else thinks and be free. Believing that no matter what, you are a beautiful human being. Randomly looking in the mirror and saying I Love You. Remember to always push thru self-limiting roadblocks. Talk kindly to yourself. Reassure yourself every day that you are that chick. Think positive to overcome your negativity. Lastly, fight to overcome any uncertainty, insecurity, or self-doubt. Like Iyanla always says, you have to do the work. Set goals to be achieved for change.

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