I am judgmental. I am hardheaded; a failure; stubborn, ignorant, foolish, immature, toxic, hateful, heartless, slowly dying. Left to dwell in my hurt with no rescue or lifeline. I am broken. I’ve let the constant criticism of everyone around me become my normal rhetoric towards myself. I am indeed unique, but no one will know because I hide it.
Hidden away are all my talents and gems waiting to burst out and let the world see. I tend to hide behind the fear that succumbs me. I am hard to love. I do not know how to love. I fight everyone around me because I grew up fighting myself. I fight myself with low self-love due to not being taught to show love or even being OK with not receiving love. It became the norm. I am self-hating and for good reason or maybe not. Born a failure, will die a failure.
As many times I have been knocked down to my surprise I get up. All my mistakes slowly turn in to lessons learned and lessons received yet disguised as blessings. Sleepless nights brain fog and permanent brain damage fuel me to seek knowledge outside of myself and force me to dig deep when I’m in my zone. I don’t recognize myself. When I look in the mirror my reflection gives me the look of inspiration. My reflection says "get up and prove everyone who wished bad on you, everyone who treated you wrong, everyone who counted you out, you're wrong. What I am no more is a failure.
Make sure when you wake up from those few hours of sleep you get from being up all night fighting with depression, that you stay solid no matter what. Because no matter how much you pull your self down you still are the only one who can pull you back up. When they say black girl magic that includes you. No, you’re not awkward you’re just having a hard time that will soon be over and when your time comes you will see. That everything you dreamed of came to be.